Rapport Building
Rapport can be defined as a close and harmonious
relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's
feelings or ideas and communicate well. It is an essential element of
influence.
Rapport building boils down to two simple tasks: observe and
establish ease.
Exercise The aim is to have a more positive interaction with
those whose support you need in order to move to action and test your ideas.
When interacting with others:
1.
Observe body language, looking for signs of
ease and unease.
Ease is a state of freedom from pain, anxiety,
fear or discomfort. When humans feel these feelings it automatically shows in
the their facial expressions and body language. Furrowed brows, slightly
squinted eyes, downward gaze and light snorting are subtle signs of discomfort
or disagreement. Crossed arms, frowns, side-to-side head shaking and aggressive
posture are more overt signs. In contrast, smiling (from both lips and eyes),
good eye contact, nodding affirmatively, and light touching are signs of good
feelings and comfort.
The key to this step is conscious attention.
Nearly everyone can instinctively interpret these body language clues, provided they are attentive to them. The
problem for most of us is that we are so busy thinking about what we are saying
that we fail to notice these clues from others.
Slow down and make your points one at a time,
pausing to gauge reaction.
2.
When you observe unease, pause to explore.
The means by which you explore the unease will
depend on the situation.
If you are in a one-to-one conversation or small
group:
Ask, "How do you feel about that?" or simply
state "Hmmm... I'm wondering if you agree with me about that?" Be open and
positive in your body language and show a genuine desire to understand the
other person.
If you are in a larger group or meeting:
Consider purposefully pausing to see if there
are questions or concerns about the point you have just made. Make inviting
eye-contact with the individuals that you sense were uneasy to encourage them
to raise their concerns, but avoid embarrassing them. If necessary, you might
need to follow up with them after the meeting. For example, "Judy, when I was making the point in the
meeting about X, I sensed that you were not entirely comfortable with that. Was
I right, and can we talk about it? I really value your input."
If you feel that it is important to get your
whole presentation on the table before pausing to explore individual points
(perhaps because you know that a later point will likely address the
individual's concern), then simply make a mental or actual note of the signal
of unease. Then, at the end, you can return to these specific points to ask for
feedback and dialogue. Your unusually insightful selection of discussion points
will impress others and be a natural first step in establishing trust and
rapport; even if they are not quite sure how you knew.
For most people, the simple act of you noticing
and sincerely inquiring will constitute a pattern interrupt, which is an
important influence technique.
3.
Seek to establish ease.
What additional information can you supply?
What values of theirs have you inadvertently
touched upon in a negative way, and how can you reframe what you are saying to
better resonate with their values?
Are the benefits you are citing, when describing
the change, things that they see as benefits? How can you deliver outcomes that
they see as benefits?
How might you modify the idea to address their
concerns? What concession can you make?
Who else do they need to hear this from to put
them at ease? Who do they respect? Who else do they need to see being on board
with this to feel comfortable that it is okay?
Tips Sometimes, the person you are
interacting with genuinely does not know what they are uneasy about. Don't
press too hard. Instead, seek to interact with that individual more frequently
as things progress and see if they are becoming more at ease. They may figure
it out at some point and, if you have been open and inviting all along, they
may eventually share their concerns with you so that you can address them.